10/07/2006

A Bad Day.

The by-pass of thoughts in which push through sudden pinnacles that trigger the brain to:

s t o p.

Thoughts in which overlap the overall circum of much more:

You & I

Its hard to think and believe that someone like you even existed.

Its hard to believe that you were someone, that I admittingly confess, that I was never going to take serious; but turned out to be like this.

Its painful to watch you endure the hardship that I once felt.

Its hard to see you like this.

Its hard.

Its hard to acknowledge the fact that many feelings of what the general public would so-call "happiness," existed in my life, solemnly because of you, whilst in the duration of our relationship.

At the same time, you brought about the worse in me. You taught and showed me many hidden feelings in which I had never felt or had even crossed my mind before.

Its ironic that you were the one that was able to lift me so high above all emotions I could have sworn I saw the true meaning of happiness; but at the same time you were able to bring me right down two hundred feet below of cold heart-felt wounds that wont ever heal.

Memories of you and I are surely going to become a battle in which I must face in order to regain confidence and sanity in myself.

There are many things in life which prepell one-another to act differently in different circumstances. Whether it be right or wrong, truth or lies; whether truth in which are seen as right, lies in which are seen as wrong, even truth in which are seen as wrong, or in some sacrificial circumstances in which lies are seen as right; the genre of a particular person will push themselves in more ways then one to uphold a sense of what an individual will see as beneficial or in their best interest. In short; an act of instinct.

11 months 2 days and 18 hours.

Weird.

Today was a day in which I upheld this certain grasp of what I described as 'instinct.' I for one, still do not know for certain, whether my path is the right one. Nor where it may lead me. Though there are many roads ahead in which I understand to be 'unexplored' and yet to face. All I have is an unrefined; unfinished map, of what lies ahead. An imaginary picture, painted for a certain purpose and aspiration. Its as though for every step I take in life, whereby it be small or big, it is marked and surely painted; for there are not of such that may be undone.

There is not of such harsh and reducible words such as 'mistakes' in that of which we call life. Remember that. 

'Mistakes' come with no compensation, nor is there a refundable amount in which you can pay as a sense of redemption. As for every path you take whether it be wrong or right, there is none for which are called 'mistakes.'  They serve for nothing better than a guide, a borderline, a manual.

Acting or 'walking' upon such so called 'right' paths in life show nothing but flaws. Whereby acting or 'walking' upon such so called, 'mistaken' paths for the 'right,' are what moulds a person to become a person.

Whereby I stand now assured the path I took today be a path that I shalt not regret, regardless.

I now acknowledge the fact that in order to regain focus upon once self-consciousness, he needs not to burden his inner emotions but to express it in such a way so by his sub-conscious becomes his self-conscious.

Till unfocused imagery be clear.

† So here I face, the hidden map, which twisted roads, and blinding lights, make finding gold; unclear.

†  [For You & I]  †